Everything else here concerns a dynamic between two adults who each have a choice. There are signs where self-diagnosis does not apply and further observation is not the answer.

Safety

Fear of physical harm — to you, to children, to animals. Even once.

Money

Access to your own money, documents or work is restricted by another person.

Freedom

Control of your movements, messages or location as a condition of the relationship.

Threats

Threats of harm — to themselves or to you — in response to you trying to leave.

Your state

Thoughts of self-harm, months of broken sleep, inability to work.

With any of these you do not need an observation journal, you need a live person outside it: a friend you say it to out loud, a professional, a local support service. And yes — men ask for that help less often, not because they need it less.

Where to go

• If there is immediate danger — your country’s emergency number.
• UK: Samaritans 116 123, free, around the clock. ManKind Initiative 0808 800 1170 — a line for men.
• US: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233.
• Elsewhere: findahelpline.com — by country and by kind of help.

Open findahelpline.com →

We do not verify these numbers daily and we are not affiliated with these services. If a number does not answer, look for a local line — almost everywhere has one.